As many as 50% of all marriages end in divorce, but it looks like numbers overall are leveling off. As difficult as going through a divorce is, it’s sometimes easier than enduring a bad marriage, even when there are children involved. Usually, there are signs that a marriage is coming to an end long before one or both parties make the decision to file for divorce. Here are five questions you should ask yourself before taking that step.
1. Are we just going through a momentary hardship, or is it on ongoing situation?
One of the main reason for marital disharmony is financial problems or a sudden, severe shock, like the death of a child or a catastrophic illness. If the relationship was strong before the event, there’s a good chance that the breach can be healed with time and effort. However, if the relationship was always on shaky ground, an external stressor will increase any underlying or continuing issues.
2. Is there someone elsse involved?
An affair, or potential affair, is often just a symptom of deep-seated unhappiness. Often, it has little to do with the marriage, and is an indication of unhappiness within ourselves. Up to 75% of extra-marital affairs don’t last, no matter how good they make you feel or how ‘real’ the emotions seem. Try to take a step back and look for the source of the unhappiness in your life, not a quick, temporary fix.
3. Has the spark really gone out?
Sometimes just going through the process of daily living causes couples to disconnect, an it’s easy to take the presence of the other person for granted in a long-term, committed relationship. Try to remember the reason you first fell in love with your spouse. Even if there is still a little warmth left in the embers, it’s worth trying to reignite the flame.
4. Am I being realistic about my part/Are my expectations too high?
It take two to tango, and nothing is all one person’s fault or the other. Try to be objective and take an honest look at your own part in the disintegration of your marriage. Compromise is key.
If you and your spouse have tried everything, but divorce seems to be the only sane and humane decision, make sure to get the advice of an attorney who specializes in family issues. Cordell and Cordell is an example of a niche firm that represents the interests of fathers and men in family courts. Letting compassionate professionals take care o f the legal details will help ensure that your interests, and the interests of your children, are protected throughout the process. That will give you the opportunity heal and look forward to the future.