A marriage is a partnership between two people. It is a journey with many roads. Sometimes you go through beautiful, smooth paths. There are times though that it seems to be bumpy and for some reasons or other there is this rift between both of you and it can appear so big like the chasm of the Grand Canyon. There is just no way to get together. If this happens, how to save your marriage?
When facing a rocky path in marriage, you can choose to treat only the symptoms or uproot the cause of why it is at this stage. You are just like the doctor. Are you seeking to only eat some pills to cover the symptoms like fever or find out what is causing the fever? It is obvious isn’t it? The way to go about it is to look at the root cause and solve the problem there. It is only when you uproot the cause that the same problem will not happen again. This is the long term strategy, a permanent solution.
There are a few approaches on how to handle it depending on your situation. If you are looking for an answer, then you have to be open and objective about it. That means pure honesty in assessing the situation.
After analysis, if you find the problems are jointly caused by both of you, you have to take immediate actions to rectify the situation. What are the things that both of you have to change? Assuming that both of you are interested to make it work, you need to sit down together. Have a good session of heart to heart chat. Sometimes it helps to plan it out like having a meeting in organization. This takes out some of the emotions from the picture.
First of all have an agenda ready. That is your purpose to sort things out and to make things work. Then each of you should write down a list of what you think and feel are the problems and what are the causes. Set a duration. There should be enough time given so that both can list all the issues. Also write down what are the possible solutions. After that each person will need to present what was written.
If you want to know how to save your marriage, one of the most important skills that you must have is deep listening. Take this opportunity to practice it. It means when the other party is talking you are silent and just listening. Ever got the feeling that when you talk, your husband or wife is not there? Sometimes you are guilty as well. Have you heard yourself answering back or forming your opinion or even day dreaming while the other party is talking? To make this discussion fruitful, both of you have to practice deep listening. Then you will understand what the obstacles between both of you are. What is this gap about? Print out this article if you must and share it with your husband/wife. Make sure they understand this.
Many couples have found that the problems are resolved and they fall in love with each other when they use this skill. One of the main complains why marriage rocks and couple argue is that you feel no one pays attention to you, you are not being loved. What makes you have this feeling? Well, they don’t express themselves and don’t understand what you want. Why is that? You will not notice if you are not present.
If upon analysis, you find that you are the cause of the problem, you should apologize sincerely and present a plan on how you will make amends. Actions speak volume here.
In case your spouse is unwilling to participate this may get trickier. Sometimes it’s helpful to engage help from a mutual friend. This may be especially effective if you can get someone that your spouse respected to help you. Your spouse may be unwilling to talk to you but they may be opened to the person that they trusted. This can be anyone, including your in-laws, the favorite siblings or some best friends.
Besides inner circle of friends, you can get a professional third party to help out. There are marriage counseling services which will be able to render their services to you. When you are sourcing for ways on how to save your marriage, you can also make use of religious services that is provided by your own religious groups.
Steve is a part time blogger who occasionally contributes articles to blogs related to physical abuse . He also works as a news editor in well known news paper company .